Chapter title: Every moment god knocks
9 November 1975 morning in Buddha Hall, Poona, India
Audio: Come Follow Me, Vol 4, 10
Come Follow To You, Vol 4 Chapter #10 Chapter title: I am the See You are Seeking 30 December 1975 am in Buddha Hall
The first thing to remember: you can help others only when you have helped yourself, not before it. You can help others only when you have disappeared, not before it. You cannot lose your ego by helping others. You can lose your ego, and THEN YOU can help others. In fact, if you have the ego already there and you help others, you will attain to a very cultivated, subtle, pious ego - that's all.
Egolessness won't come through it. The ego will become religious,'and when a poison becomes religious, it becomes more dangerous.
I am helping you because I am not. You are here to help yourself in the first place. When you disappear, then in |fact there is no need to help others; it happens of its own accord.
Let me tell you an anecdote: A woman always attended church, and after each sermon would remark,'My, they certainly did need the message this morning.' One snowy Sunday morning, she was the only one in the congregation. The minister delivered his message anyway. He walked with her to the door, where she said,'My, they certainly would have needed it if they had been here.' The message is for you. Don't play tricks with yourself; don't start a new ego-trip. It is not for them, it is for you. I am talking to each individual directly; I am not talking to a crowd. When I say something, I am saying it exactly to you, not to the neighbors.
And the only way you can be of any help to the world is that you disappear, become an emptiness. Out of that emptiness arises the flame of love and compassion. Out of that emptiness arises a fragrance of divineness. And then you help millions, but you never come to know that you are helping them. You become a vehicle of God, you become an incarnation. Before that you can become a missionary, which is a dirty word. Before that you can become a do-gooder, which is very dangerous. Before that you can become a very pious egoist: helping others one Feels oneself on top of them.'Holier than thou' becomes your attitude. In your very look there is condemnation and you cannot help anybody through condemnation, only through compassion.
But how is compassion possible with the ego? With the ego, violence is possible, condemnation is possible. Love and compassion? no, they are not possible. So please be alert. It always happens when you come near a Master and you hear the message, that your mind starts spinning things. It says,'THEY need it.' The whole world needs it except you. Be aware: YOU need it. You are they.
The world is not separate from you, the world is you multiplied.
And let me say to you that I teach selfishness. I don't teach that you should go and serve others. I teach: love yourself, serve yourself, so that that which is hidden within you becomes manifest. The very flow of it will help others.
Wherever you walk, whatsoever you do, will become a help. It is not that you are trying to help; your very being will become helpful.
HAVING ATTAINED THE PEACEFUL STATE OF MIND WHICH YOU CALL INDIA, HOW CAN ONE SUSTAIN IT IN THE PRESSURES OF THE WEST? FOR ME, IT HAS BEEN IMPOSSIBLE.
Yes, I call India not a country, but an inner space. I call India not something that exists there in geography, on the maps. I call India that which exists hidden within you, and that which you have not yet discovered. India is your innermost space. India is not a nation, it is a state of mind.
The questioner asks,'Having attained the peaceful state of mind which you call India, how can one sustain it in the pressures of the West? For me, it has been impossible.' Once you attain it, you cannot lose it. Even if you want to lose it, you cannot lose it. No real attainment is ever lost. Then, you must have imagined that you had attained to the innermost peace. Then, you must have deceived yourself. Then, something must have given you the idea that you had attained to it.
For example, if you go to the Himalayas, it is peaceful and silent. Eternal silence reigns there. In that silence you start feeling silent you reflect silence. Don't think that you have become silent; it is the Himalayas being reflected in you. The silence belongs to the Himalayas, not to you. When you come down to the plains, that silence is gone. Again you are in the turmoil, again you ARE the turmoil, again the anguish and the anxiety. And you think you have lost something which you had gained? No, in the first place you had never gained it. It belonged to the Himalayas; it still belongs there. You entered a certain situation, but you didn't enter a certain state. The situation is something outside you, the state is something within you. And you deceived yourself. It is so easy to deceive oneself. One wants to feel that one has attained, because that also gives a very deep nourishment to the ego: I have attained.
Many people come to India. Coming from the West, India looks silent, peaceful, poor but contented. India is, in a way, almost two thousand years behind. When you come from New York to India, or from London to the Himalayas, you are moving backwards in time. You are moving in the times of Jesus, two thousand years back. Everything is primitive, wild, untamed. One feels good; one feels again a certain freedom. The noise, the anxiety, the tension, the constant hurry, the 'always going somewhere not knowing where one is going' of the West, is not here. Things move slowly. Everything seems to be moving nowhere, very silently. A certain music is still present. Indians may not feel it because they have been born to it, just as a fish never feels the ocean. But when people from the West come, they are shocked into a certain awareness. Their sleep is broken, and they start feeling and thinking that they have attained to a certain state. To attain a certain state is not so easy. It is not a plane trip: you cannot fly from one state of mind to another state of mind. It is not a journey, it is a pilgrimage.
And this is the distinction between a journey and a pilgrimage: a journey is going from one point to another point in space, a pilgrimage is going from without to within, from space to no-space. You can be easily deceived here, not by anybody else, but by yourself.
Then you go back, and that freedom, that silence, that meditation, that prayerfulness, is lost. Hence the question:'Having attained the peaceful state of mind which you call India, how can one sustain it?' There is no need to sustain it.
It is so alive, it is so vital that it sustains itself. It has tremendous energy. It needs nobody's help. In fact, you are not needed to sustain it; it sustains you. It is greater than you, higher than you, deeper than you, bigger than you: it is your original nature. It is you in your ultimate glory. Nothing is needed to sustain it, and nothing can distract you from it. Once attained, it is attained forever. You cannot lose it. If you lose it, then know well that you deceived yourself.
'How can one sustain it in the pressures of the West?' If it cannot be sustained in the pressures, it is not of worth. Any meditation that is of worth will be alive even in the marketplace. Because a marketplace is nothing once you attain to the meditative state. No market can disturb it, no market can distract you away from it. It becomes like breathing. In fact, you will feel it more in the marketplace than in the Himalayas, because in the Himalayas the contrast will be missing. If you have really tasted what aloneness is, you will feel it more in the crowd than on a Himalayan peak, because in the crowd, the contrast.... If you have listened to the inner music, you will hear it more in traffic noise because of the contrast. In the night you can see the stars in the sky, not in the day - because the contrast is missing. The night is so dark; in that velvety darkness you can see those stars, beautiful stars In the day they did appear. They are still there where they are, they have not gone anywhere, they remain in the sky - but the contrast is missing because of the sunlight. Now there is no background to them.
This, is my understanding, this is my experience: that whatsoever you attain, you will always taste it more, feel it more; it will surface in your being more clearly, crystal clear, whenever you move to the contrary. If the meditation is true, in New York it will be more clear to you, in London you will feel it more.
Surrounding yourself with the opposite, it will throb more clearly. If it is not happening, you come to the East, you feel good, and then you go to the West and it is gone. It has been a journey, not a pilgrimage. You travelled from one point to another in space, you have not travelled from space to no-space. Meditation means a pilgrimage from the out to the in, from the without to the within. Once attained, even if you want to lose it you cannot lose it.
This is from Pankaja; she is a novelist. I have gone through her novels, and they are beautiful. She has the knack of it: how to tell a story beautifully, how to weave a story. And this experience is not only hers, it is of almost everybody who is in any way creative. But still, the interpretation is wrong, and much depends on the interpretation.
When a woman carries a child, she is full. Of course, when the child is born, she will feel empty. She will miss the new life that was throbbing and kicking in her womb. The child has gone out; she will feel empty for a few days. But she can love the child, and she can forget her emptiness in loving the child and helping the child to grow. For an artist, even that is not possible. You paint, or you write a poem or a novel; once it is finished you feel deep emptiness. And what can you do with the book now? So the artist is in an even more difficult situation than a mother. Once a book is finished, it is finished. Now it needs no help, no love; it is not going to grow. It is perfect, it is born grown-up. A painting is finished, it is finished. an artist feels very empty. But, one has to look into this emptiness.
Don't say that you are exhausted; rather, say that you are spent. Don't say that you are empty, because each emptiness also has a fullness in it. You are looking from the wrong end.
You come into a room: there is furniture, pictures on the walls and things. Then those things and the pictures are removed and you come into the room: now what will you say? Will you call it empty, or will you call it a full room?'Room' means emptiness;'room' means space. With the furniture removed, the room is full. When furniture was there the room was not full; much of it was missing because of the furniture. Now the room is complete, the emptiness is total.
You can look from two ends. If you are too furniture-oriented, so that you can only look at the chairs and tables and the sofa and you cannot see the roominess of the room, then it will feel empty. But if you know, and you can see emptiness directly, you will feel a tremendous freedom which was not there before because the room was missing; you could not move in it. Go on filling it with furniture, and there will come a point when you cannot move because the whole room is gone.
Once I stayed in a very rich man's house. He was very rich, but had no taste. His house was so full that it was not a house at all. You could not move, and you were always afraid to move because he had precious antiques. He himself was afraid to move. The servants were constantly worried. He gave me the best, the most beautiful room in his house. And I told him,'This is not a room, it is a museum. Please give me something where I can move, then it will be a room.
This is not a room. The room has almost disappeared.' The room means: the freedom that space gives you.
When you are working, creating, your mind is full of many things. The mind is occupied. Writing a novel the mind is occupied; writing a poem the mind is occupied; there is too much furniture in it - the furniture of the mind: thoughts, feelings, characters. Then the book is finished. Suddenly, the furniture is gone.
You feel empty. But there is no need to become sad. If you look at it rightly - this is what Buddha called right-vision, SAMYAK DRASTHI - if you look rightly, you will feel freed of an obsession, of an occupation. You will feel clean again, unburdened. Those characters of the novel are no longer moving there. Those guests are gone and the host is totally at ease. Enjoy it. Your wrong interpretation is creating sadness for you, and fear. Enjoy it. Have you never observed that when a guest comes you feel good; when he goes you feel even better? He leaves you alone, and now you have your own space.
To write a novel is maddening because so many characters become guests, and each character has his own way. It is not always that he listens to the writer, not always. Sometimes he has his own way, and he forces the writer in a certain direction. The writer starts the novel, but never ends it. Then those characters end it by themselves.
It is just like giving birth to a child. You can give birth to a child, but then the child starts moving on his own. The mother may have been thinking that the child would become a doctor, and he becomes a hobo. What can you do? You try-hard, but he becomes a hobo.
The same happens when you write a novel: you start with & character - you were going to make a saint out of him, and he becomes a sinner. And I tell you, it is exactly as it happens to a child: the mother is worried; the novelist is worried.
He wanted him to become a saint and he is becoming a sinner, and nothing can be done. He feels almost helpless, almost used by these characters. They are his fantasies, but once you cooperate with them they become almost real. And unless you get rid of them, you will never be at peace. If you have a book in your mind, it has to be written to get rid of it. It is a catharsis, it is unburdening yourself.
That's why creative people almost always go mad. Mediocrities never go mad - they have nothing to go mad over, they have nothing maddening in their lives.
Creators almost always go mad. A Van Gogh will go mad, a Nijinsky will go mad, a Nietsche will go mad. Why does it happen that they go mad? - because they are so occupied; so many things are happening in the mind. They don't have a space of their own within themselves. So many people are staying there, coming and going. It is almost as if they are sitting on a road and the traffic continues. Each artist has to pay for it.
Remember, when a book is finished and a child is born, feel happy, enjoy that space, because sooner or later a new book will arise. As leaves come out of trees, as flowers come out of trees - exactly like that, poems come out of a poet, novels come out of a novelist, paintings come out of a painter, songs are born out of a singer. Nothing can be done; they are natural.
So sometimes in the fall when the leaves have fallen and the tree stands alone without leaves against the sky, enjoy it. Don't call it emptiness, call it a new type of fullness - full with yourself. There is nobody to interfere; you are resting in yourself. That period of rest is needed for every artist; it is a natural process.
Each mother's body needs a little rest. One child is born and another is conceived it used to happen, it used to happen in the East, and in India it still continues: a woman is almost old by the age of thirty, continuously giving birth to children with no gap to recuperate, to rejuvenate her being, to be alone. She is exhausted, tired. Her youth, her freshness, her beauty, are gone. A rest period is needed when you give birth to a child. You need a rest period. And if the child is going to be a lion, then a long rest period is needed. And a lion only gives birth to one child, because the whole being is involved in it. And then there is a rest period, a long rest period to recupe, to regain the energy that you have given to the child, to regain yourself again so that something can be born out of you.
When you write a novel, if it has been really a great piece of art, then you will feel empty. If it has been just a sort of journalism that you have made for money because some publisher has made a contract with you, then, then it is not very deep. You will not feel empty after it, you will remain the same. The deeper your creation, the greater will be your emptiness afterwards, The greater the storm, the greater will be the silence that comes in its wake. Enjoy it. The storm is good, enjoy it; and the silence that follows it is also good. The day is beautiful, full of activity; night is also very beautiful, full of inactivity, passivity, emptiness. One sleeps. In the morning you are again back in the world with full energy to work, to act.
Don't be afraid of the night. Many people are. There is one sannyasin, I have given her the name Nisha.'Nisha' means: the night. She comes to me again and again, and she says,'Please change my name.''Why?' She says,'I am afraid of night. Why have you given me, out of so many names, just this name? Change it.' But I am not going to change it. I have given it to her knowingly, because of her fear - her fear of darkness, her fear of passivity, her fear of relaxation, her fear of surrender. That is all indicated in the word'night', nisha.
One has to accept the night part also. Only then do you become complete, full, whole.
So Pankaja, don't take it amiss. That emptiness is beautiful, more beautiful than the days of creativity, because that creativity comes out of emptiness, those flowers come out of emptiness. enjoy that emptiness, feel blissful and blessed.
Accept it, welcome it like a benediction, and soon you will see that you are again full of activity, and a greater book is going to be born again. Don't be worried about it. There is no need to worry. It is just a misinterpretation of a beautiful phenomenon.
But man lives in words. Once you call a thing by a wrong name, you start becoming afraid of it. Be very, very exact. Always remember what you say, because saying is not just saying; it has deep associations in your being. Once you call a thing emptiness, you become afraid - the very word.
In India, we have better words for emptiness. We call it SHUNYA. The very word is positive; it has nothing of negativity in it. It is beautiful. It simply means space, with no boundaries: SHUNYA. And we have called the ultimate goal shunya. Buddha says when you become shunya, when you become absolutely nothing, a nothingness, then you have attained.
A poet, an artist, a painter, is on the way to becoming a mystic. All artistic activity is on the way towards becoming religious. When you are active, writing a poem, you are in the mind. When the poem is born you are spent, and the mind takes rest. Use these moments to fall into your being. Don't call it emptiness; call it wholeness, call it being, call it truth, call it God. And then you will be able to feel the benediction of it.
There is no problem. Don't try to create a problem where none exists. Just look into my eyes: I am the sea you are seeking, and I am the vast empty space you have always been searching for through many of your Lives. Now by chance, just coincidentally you are close to me. Don't miss this opportunity. There are many ways to miss it, there is only one way not to miss it. There are a thousand and one ways to go away from me, there is only one way to come near me. So it is almost impossible that you will be able to come near me, because the possibility to go astray is more - one thousand and one. You can find so many reasons to go away from me, and you can justify them, you can rationalize and you can feel perfectly right in going away from me. But to come close to me is going to be arduous and difficult, because everybody wants freedom. At least, everybody THINKS that they want freedom. But I rarely come across a man who really wants freedom; he thinks he wants freedom. Because to be free means to be nobody. If you are somebody, that 'somebodiness' will be your imprisonment.
To find infinite space means that you will have to dissolve. Because you create, you go on creating your boundaries around you. To move to the wild sea, uncharted, you will have to throw all your maps, all your scriptures, all your religions, all your concepts and ideologies. To move into space which has no boundaries to it, is to die: to die to the known and to trust the unknown, which is the most difficult thing in the world.
I will tell you one story. It is a very ancient story, and one of the most beautiful I have ever come across.
There was a very wise king. His own prime minister committed a betrayal: he delivered some secrets to the neighboring country, to the enemy. The prime minister was caught red-handed. There was only one punishment for it, and that was death. But the old king had always loved this man. He was sentenced to death, but the old man gave him an opportunity. The last day, he called his whole court. On one side there was a gun ready to kill the man, on the other side there was a black door. And the king said,'You can choose, either to die - you have to die - or you can choose this black door. It is up to you.' The prime minister asked,'What is behind that black door?' The king said,'That is not allowed. Nobody knows, because nobody has chosen it before. In the times of my father, in the times of my grandfather, many times the opportunity had been given, but nobody has chosen and nobody knows. And nobody is allowed; even I don't know. I have the key, but when my father died he said to me,'I will open the door and you can go in and I will close it. Don't look into it.' But you can see because - you can choose. You can discover what is there. It is up to you.' The prime minister brooded and brooded, and then he chose the gun. He said,'Kill me with the gun. I don't want to go behind that black door.' The prime minister was killed. The queen was very curious. She persuaded the king somehow to see what was behind it. The king laughed. He said,'I know - there is nothing behind it. It's simple freedom; there is not even a room. This door opens to the wide world. There is nothing, but nobody has chosen it yet.' People even choose death before choosing the unknown. People even choose to be miserable before choosing the unknown. The unknown seems to be more dangerous than death itself. And freedom is the door unknown. Freedom means moving into the unknown, not knowing where one is going, not knowing what is going to happen the next moment. It is a black door. Rarely, sometimes a Jesus or a Buddha choose the door; all else choose the gun.
You are dying every day, but you still cling to this life which gives you nothing except death. You choose death, you don't choose real life. Real life is hazardous, insecure. You talk about wild seas, you talk about infinite spaces: look into me, and you will get scared. Look deeply into me, and you will become afraid. There is only one way to come near me, and that is to love. To love me is to die to the past. To love means to trust, to surrender. And there is no problem. If you really love open spaces and the wild sea, I invite you.
The fifth question:
OSHO, I WANT TO BECOME A SANNYASIN; BUT SURRENDER MEANS LOVE, AND I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOVE, NOR HAVE I EVER ESTABLISHED A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE ELSE. IF I TAKE SANNYAS NOW, MY DECISION TO DO SO WOULD BE AN INTELLECTUAL, MAYBE A HYPOCRITICAL ONE. I WOULD FEEL AS THOUGH I WERE USING YOU. HOW CAN I BECOME A SIMPLE, SINCERE SANNYASIN? I am the black door - and there is no other way to know me except by entering me. You say you have never loved. Unless you love, how will you know? You say you have never been in any deep, intimate relationship. Unless you are, how you are going to know it? Love, surrender, trust, are like swimming. You have to go to the river. You cannot make it a condition that you will not get into the river unless you know swimming. If you make that condition you will never learn, because there is no other way to learn it. You have to go, cautiously of course, slowly of course; there is no need to go to the deepest part. But enter - find a spot where you can learn swimming and where you are not afraid to die.
Don't enter into me, just give your hand to me. That's what sannyas is. It is just a beginning, the beginning of the beginning. It is just a gesture on your part that you are ready to come with me. When you go swimming, you have to trust the Master who teaches you. It is dangerous, because who knows? But if you trust, by and by, you become capable, capable of going to the deeper parts of the river.
Once you know swimming, then there iB no fear. Whether it is Six feet deep, or six thousand feet deep makes no difference once you know swimming.
I don't say take the jump. I simply say, slowly enter the river. Remain near the bank where you can feel that any time, if there is danger, you can get back to the bank. Just give your hand to me, just trust. And there is no other way.
To know what trust is, one haB to trust. To know what love is, one has to love.
You have been missing your whole life because you have never allowed the unknown to enter into your life. You wanted first to make it known.
Again you are doing the same. You want to become a sannyasin: it is natural that in the beginning it is going to be a decision on your mind's part. Your mind will have to decide. And naturally, it will only be part of your mind. It cannot be total. By and by, it will become total. Sometimes it may not even be the major part, it may be the minor part. Ten percent - of you would like to become a sannyasin, and ninety percent of you is afraid, but the ninety percent that is afraid is already dead. You have lived that ninety percent, and you have found nothing.
This is the quality of courage: to be always ready to search the unknown, the yet undiscovered. Because that which you have discovered has been found futile.
Move, be courageous. There are treasures to be discovered; you are carrying them. I am not going to give you anything that you do not already have. You have it. You have the treasure, you have the key. At the most, I can show you how to unlock, how to use the key. At the most, I can show you where the Lock iB and where the key is within you. I can bring together the key part and the lock part? that's all. The treasure is yours, it is already there. But you will have to do something.
In the beginning, you will do it hesitantly. In the beginning you may even feel that it is hypocritical, because you are not total. Good - this is a good indication, that you are afraid of being hypocritical. It is a good indication that you would like to take sannyas, and yet you know that only part of you does, and that too you are not certain about whether it is real, imaginary, illusory, or deceptive.
One has to move in spite of all the doubts: that's what courage is. To be a courageous man does not mean that you have no fears. A man who has courage, and a cowards are not different basically. The coward has idea to move into the dark, into the unknown, and the brave man also has the fear. But the brave man is one who listens to the call of the unknown in spite of the barriers of the known, and the coward is one who listens to the known in spite of the call of the unknown. He listens to the known, and the courageous man listens to the unknown; that is the only dirference.
Both parts exist in every person. Every brave man has his coward behind him, but he does not listen to it. And every coward has his brave qualities hidden within him, but he has not listened to them. And to whatsoever part you listen, you become that.
So take courage. Always take the invitation of the. unknown and your life will become an adventure.
A sannyasin is one who has accepted life as an adventure, as a pilgrimage, as a river flowing to the ocean.
Yes, you ARE in a school. This is a school. We are learning to be ourselves here; we are trying the greatest adventure there is - of discovering oneself, of reaching to one's own innermost core. It is a learning place, it is a school. But the whole point is, the whole teaching of THIS school is not to be worried about right and wrong, not to be worried about good and bad, not to be worried about morality and difference, not to be worried about lower and higher.
The whole point of this school is to become choiceless.
Now I will read the question again:'I sometimes feel such a fear of missing, as if I were in a school, and if I didn't do the right thing I would flunk out.' This is the right thing here: not to be worried about right and wrong. To accept oneself is the right thing here, to accept yourself, whatsoever you are, howsoever you are; to accept in totality and in deep humbleness that this is the way you are, that this is the way God intended you to be.
We are not trying to change you, we are not trying to improve you, we are not trying any ego-trip. We are simply trying to help you discover who you are. So the right thing here is not to be worried about right and wrong, not to be worried about this and that. We are not going to choose a character, a morality, a code of conduct. No, we are trying to find out who we are. Once you know who you are, no code of conduct is needed, no conceptions of right and wrong are needed.
Once you know who you are, all that you do is right. And, if you don't know who you are, all that you do is wrong.
So, we are not worried about right and wrong.
I am killing you Madhuri. I am a murderer, and you are trapped. You cannot escape me now because once you have tasted a little death, you cannot escape.
Because now you know much more is going to come. Once you have tasted a little death of the ego, you know, you can imagine now, you can dream of what a beautiful space is going to be there when the whole ego disappears: when you look within yourself and you don't find anybody there, just emptiness, vast emptiness. If you have found a little empty corner in your being, then you cannot move away now. You have tasted.
Now, you cannot go back to the ordinary world. Unless you die, there is no going back. Once you die, I will send you back to the ordinary world, because then nothing can corrupt you. Who can corrupt an emptiness? How can an emptiness be corrupted? It is open, absolutely vulnerable, and yet invulnerable, because nobody can corrupt it. It is incorruptible, it is virgin.
Let me tell you one anecdote: A Sufi sage once asked his disciples to tell him what their vanities had been before they began to study with him. The first said,'I imagined that I was the most handsome man in the world.' The second said,'I believed that, since I was religious, I was one of the elect, the chosen few.' The third said,'I believed I knew, and I also believed that I could teach.' And the fourth said,'My vanity was greater than all these, for I believed that I could learn.' The sage remarked,'And the fourth disciple's vanity still remains the greatest, for his vanity is to show that he once had the greatest vanity. It still remains the greatest.' You can become egoistic about your humbleness also. To be poor in spirit means simply to be nobody, not even humble. A humble man is not poor in spirit, a humble man is ego, upside-down, ego in a see saw, a head stand. A humble man is not REALLY humble. A humble man is not humble at all, because humility is also a function of the ego. When the ego disappears, humbleness also disappears.
When you are gone, where can the shadow fall? When you are gone, there is not even shadow. When the ego is gone, humbleness also disappears; it is a shadow of the same disease.
The poor in spirit is one who has come to understand that he is not. To know that one is not is to know that one is part of the whole:'The whole is, I am not.' The ocean is, the drop is not. And the poor in spirit is the richest man there is, the richest that is possible. The poor in spirit is the richest, because the emptiest is the fullest. Here, death means life.
And when I say I am a murderer, I simply mean that I am a midwife. Here, destroying you means giving you rebirth - a new being, a being without any ego.
This is from Vishnu Chaitanya.
Vishnu Chaitanya, something is eating you: some deep worry is inside that creates hurry; some deep tension which does not allow you to relax.
So, the next time you are eating something, watch what is eating you. When you are hurrying, just watch. Are you escaping from somewhere? Are you trying to avoid some situation? Are you trying not to see something which is there inside you? Are you trying to suppress something? Is there some worry and you don't even want to accept that it is there? Is there some wound which you are hiding in flowers? Watch deep down. All people who are in a hurry simply show that they are carrying some deep worry, and they are not even courageous enough to face it. Bring it up, let it surface. Encounter it, and you will be simply surprised. If you can encounter any problem face to face, directly, it disappears. In the inner world, to know that a problem is, to know exactly what it is, to diagnose, is to treat. There is no other medicine in the inner world. A problem only exists if you go on suppressing it. If you don't allow it to be confronted, it exists. And people go on piling many problems, and then they are always in a hurry. In their hurry they are trying to evade; because if they rest, silently sit, they Will have to face.
So they are CONSTANTLY in a hurry, running, doing this and that. Only when they fall asleep, then apparently are they at rest; but deep down not even then.
Then, in their dreams and in their nightmares, they are travelling, and hurrying, and running.
Many people come to me and they say that a certain dream occurs continuously.
And this is one of the most common dreams: that one is hurrying in the dream towards the station, and by the time one reaches the platform, the train leaves.
This is a very common dream. What does it mean? It means that you are always and always missing the point, missing the target. And the whole point of worry is that it needs to be recognized, it needs to be paid attention to, it needs to be brought into the consciousness.
All the group therapies that we are doing here are nothing but to bring out all that is repressed, to help it to surface so that it comes into the consciousness.
Once any problem comes into the consciousness, it disappears. It is just as if you watch, sit near a river and watch. If the water is clean you can see bubbles coming up. A few bubbles, just on the bottom, go on clinging; they will remain. If any bubble comes up, the closer it comes to the surface the bigger it becomes; because with less pressure of the water, it becomes bigger. When it comes to the surface, it is the biggest. It may have been just a small bubble at the bottom, but on the surface it is a big bubble. But then within seconds it erupts, it is gone.
The same, exactly the same happens whenever you are suppressing something. It may be a very small thing, and you are afraid to bring it to consciousness because when it comes towards the conscious it starts becoming bigger and bigger; the repression is less and less, and the pressure is less. It becomes bigger, you become afraid. You force it back again. Many people who start meditating here come to me and they say,'We were never so worried as we are now.' Or they say?'We were never so sad,' or,'We were never so miserable,' or,'We were never so much in anguish and anxiety.' Their bubbles are becoming bigger because they are coming nearer to the surface. This is a good sign, a healthy sign that something is happening I tell them: Be happy, feel grateful that something is happening. The bubbles are leaving the bottom of your being and coming to the surface. Once they come to the surface, they explode, because then there is no pressure on them and they cannot exist.
A problem can exist only through pressure. No problem can exist without pressure; it disappears. The whole point of all the therapies here is to bring all your problems to the surface. Know, watch, become aware, and the problem disappears. Knowledge - rather, knowing - is transformation. Don't ask,'Once we know the problem is there, what has to be done?' If you really know it, it is no more there.
This is the beauty of the inner world: once you know a thing, it is no longer there.
It remains only if you go on forcing it, repressing it, avoiding knowledge, avoiding recognition.
Problems exist through your ignorance, through your unconsciousness.
Consciousness is the solution. Remember, I call it the SOLUTION. It has nothing to do with any particular problem. Every and all problems disappear through it - - it is THE SOLUTION.
Let me tell you one anecdote.
It happened: The lady of the house was out when her new maid called at her home and rang the bell. The pet parrot answered by calling,'Who is that?' 'It is the new maid,' was the reply. There was a pause. Then the girl rang the bell again, and the parrot answered,'Who is that?' 'It is the new maid,' came the reply once more. She was a little annoyed. This went on until the exasperated girl fell on the ground and fainted, because she would say,'It is the new maid,' and the parrot would ask again,'Who is that?' because that was the only question he could ask. That was a borrowed question; it was not his question. He didn't even know what it meant.
Returning home, the householder stumbled across the body, and exclaimed,'Who is that!' 'It is the new maid,' answered the parrot, because by now he had learned it.
In fact, they always happen together, they cannot happen separately. It is impossible to separate them, because they are two aspects of the same coin: commitment and unattachment. If you are attached, then it is not a commitment.
Then you are using the other for yourself because it is an attachment.
You love a person and you say,'I am committed and attached.' What does attachment mean? It means that you are using the other person for yourself, you are using the other person as a means. How can one be committed to a means? Commitment is possible only towards an end, not towards a means. You cannot be committed to a car, you cannot be committed to a house. They are means; they have to be used. You can only Be committed to an alive person, because each person is the goal.
Love is not using the person for your own pleasure. Much pleasure comes through it, but that is a by-product. You love the person as an end; you are committed. You can give your very life to the person, but there is no attachment, because attachment means that you are using the person for yourself.
Commitment with nonattachment means that now the other has become the goal, the end, the very end. They always happen together, and if they cannot happen together then you are missing something. If commitment is with attachment, then you are just deceiving yourself that it is a commitment. Sooner or later, if the person dies, you will find another person - because you were using the person. Now that he is not available, you will find another person.
A commitment is eternal. Your wife dies: on that day, all women disappear from the world for you. You loved her as a goal. Now it is even impossible to conceive that you can love another. It was so total that nothing is left behind. And it was so total that only the body can die, not the soul of that being. Death cannot part two lovers. If they really loved, they had conquered death already. Love is immortal. But if there was only an attachment, then after a few weeks or a few days the wound is healed. You loved the person because of you, for your own pleasure. Now you will find another person. In fact, you love your husband, you say that you love, and he's dying - or your wife - and when the wife is dying, on the deathbed, if somebody could open a window in your head and look, you are already planning and trying to find a new woman.
The mind, at the most, exploits. It can never become a deep commitment. Deep commitment is of being. It knows no time, it knows no death. I am not saying that it is permanent, because permanence is part of time. It is eternal. It has the fragrance of divineness.
Let me tell you one anecdote: A politician named Strange lay dying. A friend asked him what he would like inscribed on his tombstone,'Just put,' said the politician: Here lies an honest politician.
'But,' said the friend,'that doesn't tell who it is.' 'Oh yes, replied the politician,'the passer-by will say,'That is strange - a politician, and honest?' - no need to say the name. Passers-by will by themselves say,'That is strange.' Attachment and love never go together; commitment and attachment never go together. Love goes with unattachment. Then love has a purity of the other world. Then love is absolute essence, absolute pureness, innocence. And then there is a commitment. That commitment is eternal.
YOU SEEM TO EMPHASIZE DIFFERENT POINTS EVERY DAY: BEING ORDINARY, BEING AWARE, BEING MEDITATIVE, AND SO ON. IF I TRY TO PRACTICE THEM ALL I GET CONFUSED TRYING TO REACH A HARMONY OF ALL. SHOULD I JUST FORGET, AND BE SPONTANEOUS? You have got the point exactly, precisely. That is the whole point: be spontaneous.
And whatsoever I am saying is not contradictory. You can get confused because you are already confused. And in your confusion, when my words enter they create even more confusion - because a confused mind can only create more confusion, nothing else.
What I am saying is not contradictory at all. It may appear so sometimes, but it is not.
Let me tell you a Sufi story.
An interchange between a Sufi and an enquirer:'Which statement should one choose if two Sufi sayings contradict each other?' 'They only contradict one another if viewed separately. If you clap your hands and observe only the movement of the hands, they appear to oppose one another. You have not seen what is happening. The purpose of the opposition of the palms was, of course, to produce the hand clap. If I clap my hands they are opposing each other, but there is a synthesis in the sound; the opposition is creating a synthesis.' I go on talking of so many different things to create a certain sound in you. That sound is spontaneity. If you have understood that, you have understood rightly.
The last question:
I will tell you an anecdote.
A persistent man said that he would teach a parrot to say 'hello' in an hour. He went close to the parrot's cage, and started saying,'Hello, hello.' This went on for a full thirty minutes without the parrot giving the slightest attention. At last the bird turned his head slowly, blinked at the man, and said,'Number engaged.' I will not say anything else about it.
You say 'hello'? You don't know; it can be said to me only through your being.
Otherwise, the number is engaged. Words won't reach me. You will have to say them through your total being; otherwise, the number is engaged.
Come Follow To You, Vol 4 Chapter #11 Chapter title: Behold my Hands and my Feet 31 December 1975 am in Buddha Hall Luke 24 36 AND AS THEY THUS SPAKE, JESUS HIMSELF STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THEM, AND SAITH UNTO THEM: PEACE BE UNTO YOU.
37 BUT THEY WERE TERRIFIED AND AFRIGHTED, AND SUPPOSED THAT THEY HAD SEEN A SPIRIT.
38 AND HE SAID UNTO THEM: WHY ARE YE TROUBLED? AND WHY DO THOUGHTS ARISE IN YOUR HEARTS? 39 BEHOLD MY HANDS AND MY FEET, THAT IT IS I MYSELF. HANDLE ME AND SEE, FOR A SPIRIT HATH NOT FLESH AND BONES, AS YE SEE ME HAVE.
40 AND WHEN HE HAD THUS SPOKEN, HE SHEWED THEM HIS HANDS AND HIS FEET.
41 AND WHILE THEY YET BELIEVED NOT FOR JOY, AND WONDERED, HE SAID UNTO THEM: HAVE YE HERE ANY MEAT? 42 AND THEY GAVE HIM A PIECE OF A BROILED FISH, AND OF AN HONEYCOMBE.
43 AND HE TOOK IT, AND DID EAT BEFORE THEM.
45 THEN OPENED HE THEIR UNDERSTANDING, THAT THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THE SCRIPTURES.
46 AND SAID UNTO THEM: THUS IT IS WRITTEN, AND THUS IT BEHOVED CHRIST TO SUFFER, AND TO RISE FROM THE DEAD THE THIRD DAY.
47 AND THAT REPENTANCE AND REMISSION OF SINS SHOULD BE PREACHED IN HIS NAME AMONG ALL NATIONS, BEGINNING AT JERUSALEM.
48 AND YE ARE WITNESSES OF THESE THINGS.
THE greatest problem that a man like Jesus faces is that whatsoever he is going to say will appear untrue to people - because truth cannot be said; and the moment you say it, it is falsified. Truth cannot be uttered. The language in which you utter it is not big enough. It kills the truth, it can only express the untrue.
But, out of compassion, a Jesus, a Buddha, will try to say that which cannot be said. But then they will be misunderstood. They bring news of the beyond. You have not even dreamed about it; how can you understand? You have no conception of it; how can you understand? Misunderstanding is natural. Nobody is actually at fault. Jesus brings something from the beyond. You have never been there - something of the other world. You listen:'This man appears authentic.
His very being gives some authority to whatsoever he is saying.' But that is a feeling - you cannot understand what he is saying. At the most you can trust, which is very difficult, almost impossible.
How to trust? How to trust somebody else about things which you know nothing about? Not only that, but how to trust about things which go diametrically opposite to your experience? I was reading a small story the other night.
A man was walking along, and he saw a snail lodged in a crevice in a wall, and for no particular reason he said,'Hello snail.' And oddly enough the snail could speak, and the snail could hear, and it said,'Hello.' And it moved its eyes around as best it could on their stalks to try to see what it was that was confronting him.
So the man said,'Can you hear me?' And the snail said,'Yes, of course. Who and what are you anyway?' The man said,'Well, I am a man.' And the snail said,'Whatever is that?' So the man said,'Well, we are something like you. For instance, you have got eyes on stalks and we have got stalks on the other end.' The snail said,'The other end?' And the man said,'Yes - just a minute - it is for putting our feet on, you see, these feet.' The snail said,'Whatever are these feet for?' And the man said,'The feet are for moving along very rapidly on.' The snail said,'Really? You amaze me. Is there anything, else about you that is peculiar?' And the man said,'Well, you know how you have got your house on your back?' The snail said,'Yes, yes.' And the man said,'Well, we don't know. You see, we have lots and lots of houses, and we go in and out of them almost at will.' The snail said,'You really are a most astonishing creature. Is there anything else that's strange about you?' And the man said,'Well now, we are men, and a man can take a thing like a leaf; you know, a leaf?' And the snail said,'Yes. Yes, I know a leaf.' The man said,'Well, he can make marks on this leaf, and even hand the leaf to another man, who can give the leaf to a third man, who can tell from the marks on the leaf what the first man was thinking about.' 'Ah,' said the snail,'I see, you are one of them. Hm....' The man said,'What do you mean?' 'You are a liar,' said the snail.'The trouble with you liars is that you tell one lie, and then you tell a bigger one, and then finally you over-reach yourselves.' That's the feeling with a man like Jesus. Ordinary humanity feels that way: that Jesus is over-reaching himself. Maybe he has a magnetic personality, a charisma around him. Maybe he is a powerful man, a beautiful person. Maybe he has a certain convincing force in him. He is a man worth loving, but he is overreaching himself. Whatever he is saying is beyond the ordinary human mind. In fact, it is beyond the human mind. He is bringing something into the world of the mind from the world of no-mind. This is an almost unbridgeable gap. He is bound to be misunderstood.
In misunderstanding he was crucified. And when on the cross he said,'Father, forgive these people, because they know not what they are doing,' it was not just compassion, it was not just love. It was compassion, it was love; it was also fact.
Those people who were crucifying him, in fact, were fast asleep, unconscious.
Whatsoever they were doing, they were not aware of it. They had never thought about the implications of it. They were not crucifying Jesus, they were simply crucifying a liar, they were simply crucifying someone who had been disturbing their silent, peaceful lives, who had been forcing them against their wills on an adventure which seemed dangerous, who had been talking about God, which everybody knows does not exist, and yet everybody believes in as a social formality.
Jesus was trying to prove that God exists, not as a social formality, not as a prop for morality, not as a hypothesis to explain the unexplainable. God exists. In fact, ONLY God exists: He is the ultimate fact. Whenever people like Jesus start talking about the ultimate fact, a suspicion arises in the ordinary mind:'They are over-reaching themselves. It's okay to believe in God, and to believe in the church and in the temple. It is good to pretend to be religious. It helps - it is a social lubricant. It gives life a certain smoothness; it gives you a certain respectability. But one should not take these things too seriously. This man Jesus seems to be too serious about it, as if it is a life-and-death problem.' To him, it is the only problem worth encountering, and the only adventure worth going on, the only research. But to the people he was talking to, it looked like nonsense. They may not have said so; they may not have said so out of propriety.
They may not have said that they didn't believe, because they would not like to have been known by others as unbelievers. But deep down, it didn't seem probable that God exists; it was the most improbable thing, that God exists. Jesus looks untrue, a Buddha looks untrue. Out of their sheer magnetism people are fascinated. But even those who are fascinated are not totally with them. Their deepest core goes on denying and saying,'You are hypnotized. This man has done something to you, like magic. He has trapped you, you have become a prisoner.' When the people start feeling like this, they take revenge. This revenge happens almost automatically.
The people who killed Jesus killed in their sleep, as if it was just a dream.
There is a Sufi anecdote: A group of merchants asked a certain disciple,'How can this Sufi nonsense mean anything to you?' To the ordinary mind, to the logical, to the rational part of you, anything that is not comprehensible is nonsense. In fact, it is, because it is beyond sense. If you love it, you may call it super-sense. If you don't love it, you may call it nonsense.
But one thing is certain: that it is something beyond the scope of the senses.
A group of merchants asked a certain disciple,'How can this Sufi nonsense mean anything to you?' He said,'Because it means everything to those whom I respect.' Because it means everything to those whom I respect... this is what trust is.
Jesus creates a respect about his being. Because of that respect, you believe whatsoever he says. Because of that respect, a certain trust is created, but your rational mind goes on hammering within you and saying,'This is all nonsense.
What are you doing?' And when I say this to you, you can understand, because this is happening to you every day also: whatsoever I am saying to you is nonsense. There is no need for anybody else to prove that it is nonsense; it is nonsense. But if you respect me and love me, that nonsense will start appearing as super-sense, as transcendental to mind, reason, logic - not below, but above.
If you respect me and love me, you may allow me to take you over to another world in which you cannot believe right now.
Almost every day people come to me and they say,'How can we believe?' I understand their problem, their anguish: they would like to believe. It is not that they want not to believe, because belief gives such serenity, belief gives such tranquility, belief gives such a centeredness and rootedness, that who would not like to believe? Even an atheist is in search of belief. Maybe he is very desperate; maybe his saying that there is no God is nothing but an effort to avoid that great call that is constantly heard in his being - 'Go on the adventure. Seek and find.' He does not want to hear that call. He says that there is no God.
I have never come across an atheist who is really an atheist. All atheists are in search, all atheists are in deep search for a faith and trust. But they are afraid. The adventure seems to be so dangerous and risky. They start believing in no-God, but that no-God is also a belief. It is negative: it cannot be nourishing, it cannot give you life, energy; it cannot enhance your being, it cannot help you to become centered. It cannot help you to see the true and the real because it is a false belief, a negative belief. But, I say, it is still a belief.
There are only believers and believers, because nobody can live in non-belief, in no-belief, in no-faith, in no-trust. To live without believing is absolutely impossible. But the first dawn of truth always happens with what this Sufi disciple is saying:'Because it means everything to those whom I respect.' If you respect, you are open to receive.
The Judaic word 'kabala' originally means: capacity to receive. It is a beautiful word. It means: those who are ready to receive; they are kabalists. Respect creates the capacity to receive, to become pregnant. Not knowing what is going to happen, but you trust somebody, you respect somebody.
People respected Jesus. They started following him, but then deep down they also always felt that he was over-reaching. He was taking them so fast and so beyond human comprehension, that by and by they became frightened and scared of this man. They had to kill him, there was no other way.
They must have felt relieved when they killed Jesus. They must have felt a stillness descending, because this man had been creating a chaos. This man had been creating such turmoil. He had to create it, because only out of chaos are stars born, and only out of chaos and pain and anguish is a new birth possible.
But he was looking into the future, and they were clinging to the past, and there was no meeting ground. Even today, between Christ and a Christian there is no meeting ground. The meeting ground is possible only if you also try to overreach yourself. Otherwise, the meeting ground is not possible.
A friend of mine, an old navy chaplain, tells of a terrible storm a couple of years ago, a storm so severe that even old seamen were scared.
After it was all over, an old salt-crusted sailor said,'Chaplain, I sure did pray during the blow. I am not a praying man, but I prayed hard that time.' 'What did you say in your prayer?' asked the chaplain.
'Oh,' replied the sailor,'I said: Lord, you know that I have not asked you for anything for fifty years, and if you get me out of this storm alive, I promise that I won't bother you again for another fifty years!' Only in pain, in anguish, only in a chaos where everything is dissolving into nothingness, does one remember God. A Jesus has to create a chaos, a Jesus has to destroy your notions of security, your so-called comfortable life, the illusion of it. He has to dis-illusion you, and that's why he looks like the enemy. The friend looks like the enemy; the greatest friend looks like the greatest enemy because he has to disillusion you. He has to bring you out of your illusions and dreams. He has to create a chaos, because only in that anguish, you may start praying. Jesus did both. He lived a life of infinite delight; he lived a life of constant celebration, he was one of the most dancing men ever on this earth.
Don't listen to the Christians who say that he never laughed: it is impossible. If Jesus never laughed, then I would like to say to you that he never existed. Then the whole story is false. Jesus, and never laughed? - then who will be able to laugh? He laughed - his laughter may have been very subtle - you may not have heard it. That much I can understand. His delight must have been very subtle and profound. You may not have been able to see it; that I can understand.
His celebration must have been so deep that you could not go that deep, and you could not feel it. He lived out of his heart, he lived out of his depth. You may have missed, because to look into the depth of a man like Jesus or Buddha is to look into abyss: one gets dizzy, one becomes frightened, one closes one's eyes.
It is possible that people didn't become aware of Jesus' celebration, but he was a man of celebration. He enjoyed the small things of life. He made everything sacred. He was not an escapist, he did not renounce anything. In fact, whatsoever he touched became sacred, wherever he moved became holy ground.
Whatsoever he did, just because he did it, the quality of it was transformed. He lived a life of celebration on the one hand; on the other hand, he continuously created chaos around you. He was living at two ends together: that is his cross.
That is the meaning of his carrying his cross on his shoulders: he is living two polarities together. He is a paradox, he creates chaos, and you can see him dancing amidst the chaos; because these are the two points to remember God.
Either you remember Him when you are in deep trouble - which is the way of ordinary humanity - or you remember Him when you are at a peak of happiness, of bliss - which is not the way of ordinary humanity. When you are happy, you forget God; whenever you are unhappy, you remember.
Jesus created both possibilities together. He created a disillusionment for you, so that you were in anguish and you could pray. Out of your anguish tears can come, and you melt into prayer. You can again call God 'the Father', the whole.
And just near your chaos, He is celebrating. If you are capable of seeing, if you have eyes, then you will become aware that prayer has two possibilities: one, in unhappiness - then it is out of helplessness; the other, in happiness - then it is out of gratitude.
Jesus' prayer is different from your prayer: his prayer is of deep thankfulness, your prayer is of helplessness. But he presented both the possibilities together.
One day, a quivering man visited a Sufi Master to plead,'Please help me find myself.' During the discussion a messenger of the troubled man appeared.'I thought you would like to know,' said the messenger,'that your business affairs have taken a sudden turn towards prosperity.', The visitor exclaimed to the Master,'Oh, I feel better now. Good-bye.' A month later, the still troubled man returned to repeat his sorrowful request,'Please help me! I cannot bear my agony any longer.' The messenger appeared a second time, saying with a sly grin,'A beautiful woman awaits you at home.' The visitor Leapt up to gasp,'All is well. Good-bye.' A friend of the Master asked him,'How often will that quivering man repeat that pattern of foolish behavior?' Sighed the Master,'Until he sees.' Jesus created chaos for you, because only in deep discomfort, in deep disillusionment, in total helplessness, is your prayer possible. And just by the side there, he was standing, happy, tremendously happy, prayerful - a deep gratitude, a sheer delight in being, an ecstasy. Your prayer is out of agony, his prayer is out of ecstasy. And he was just standing by the side.
If you could see, you would take the jump. Your prayer would then no longer be of helplessness. Your prayer would also become of gratitude, of tremendous gratefulness. You are not helpless. You are helpless because you are thinking of yourself as separate from the whole.
It is your illusion of separateness that creates helplessness.
The helplessness is just your illusion. Once the illusion drops, you are the whole.
Jesus goes on saying,'I, and my Father who is in heaven, are one.' Then suddenly, you are not helpless. You are at the very center of existence - how can you be helpless? You are not separate from the whole - how can you be helpless? Helplessness is the shadow of the ego. Jesus tries to disillusion you so that the shadow of ego disappears.
But rather than moving with him, rather than accepting his invitation to go and follow him, people killed him. He was too much of a troublemaker; he was too much to be tolerated.
Sigmund Freud has written in one of his significant letters to a friend, 'Man cannot live without illusions.' Take away the illusion of a man and his whole life becomes meaningless. Everybody has a life-lie around which he lives. Take away the life-lie and the whole meaning disappears, the whole life collapses. Just watch inside yourself: you must have a life-lie, a dream which is not true; and you know it, because you have created it. But you don't want to know that. You go on avoiding the fact, that this is untrue; you go on believing that this is true.
Freud's insight was right. He should know, because for fifty years continuously he was dealing with people's lives, their innermost minds. He must have come across it again and again.
The same is my observation: everybody is living for some illusion. Take the illusion away and the life collapses, and he will become your enemy. And that is what Jesus was doing, what Buddha was doing. This is what I am doing here: trying to take away your life-lie. Freud's insight was half true. It is true: take the life-lie of a man away and his life collapses; but this is only a half-truth. Help him to see the truth, then a new life arises. And until that new life arises you are simply waiting a great opportunity. A life of fantasy is not a life at all. Everybody has to pass through the cross'The cross' means: the cross of the life-lie. And everybody has to come to a resurrection. The resurrection means a life of truth, a life according to the real. The man, the ordinary man goes on trying to make the reality follow his lie. The courageous man, the religious man, drops the lie and follows reality. Don't try to make the truth follow you - follow truth.
That is the meaning when Jesus says,'Come, follow me.' He is saying: drop your life-lies, your illusions about power, prestige, money, greed, jealousy, ego, and a thousand and one things. Drop those life-lies, come, follow me. Follow the true, follow the real. Truth liberates. But in the beginning, it is painful.
Rather than change themselves, people killed Jesus. Rather than killing their own egos, they found it easier to kill this man. Nobody is responsible, in fact. Jesus had to destroy their illusions, and in their sleep they had to react, so it is natural.
Jesus is crucified; the miracle has not happened. The crowd waited and went away home, frustrated. The disciples waited, hiding themselves in the crowd, because they were also suspicious, doubtful. They respected the man, they also had a certain faith in this man, but not that much. They could follow him when he was succeeding. Now, he was a failure. And nobody has failed like Jesus, because nobody has tried so hard to bring the beyond. Nobody has tried so hard to bring eternity into the world of time. He tried the impossible, and he failed.
His failure is beautiful.
He failed on the path of truth and it is better to fail on the path of truth than to succeed on the path of a lie. Failure and success don't mean anything. The effort, the intention, means everything.
The disciples were hiding in the crowd. They were not revealing themselves, who they were, because they were afraid. Their teacher, their Master, was being hanged. If they revealed themselves, who they were, they would also be hanged, or killed, or mistreated; or at least beaten. They were afraid. They were waiting for the miracle:'If the Master succeeds, if God descends from heaven, or angels descend from heaven and they save Jesus, and he reveals the glory about which he was always talking and about which nobody has ever believed totally....' They were waiting. If the miracle happened, they would reveal themselves. Then they would shout,'We are the disciples!' But if he failed, they would simply disappear into the crowd. The fragile, the weak human mind.... There is nothing to condemn; one should just feel compassion.
It is an old story. It happened that in India there existed a great university, Nalanda was the name of the university. One visitor went to see the university.
The vice-chancellor of the university took the visitor. The visitor must have been a very important personage; he took him around. It is said that there were almost ten thousand students in the university. From almost all over the world, seekers would come to the university. The guest was very impressed.
He said,'My, just how many students do you have here?' "Well,' answered the vice-chancellor thoughtfully,'I would say, about one in a hundred.' And if that was the number of students, what to say about disciples? - about one in ten thousand. If you see ten thousand disciples, the possibility is that there may be, or may not even be, one disciple there. That is the proportion. When students are one in a hundred.... And a student has nothing to lose, just to gain.
A disciple has everything to lose and nothing to gain, or ONLY NOTHING to gain.
Jesus had disciples, but they all disappeared. He died alone. In fact, he lived alone, he walked alone on this earth. The multitude that followed him, and the disciples who were around him were just so-so. Lukewarm was their trust. There was no intense passion in it, because when the Master was being crucified, there was the test. They were hiding themselves. They must have been greedy people, as all so-called religious people are.
Just before Jesus was caught and imprisoned they were discussing amongst themselves,'In heaven, when Jesus will be sitting by the right side of God, what will be the position of the disciples, the twelve? Who will be sitting next to Jesus?' Of course they allowed Jesus to sit next to God; but who would be sitting next to Jesus? There was great argument amongst them. They were greedy people. They were just extending their ordinary minds into their so-called religious heaven. Their heaven was nothing but an extension of this earth. It was nothing new. Jesus remained alone, died alone.
Try to understand this, because just to think that you are following when there is no danger is not enough. When death comes, when danger comes, then there will be the test. Then, not even a single disciple declared to be with him.
In fact, when Jesus was taken as a prisoner, Peter wanted to follow him. Jesus told him,'No need to follow me, because you will deny me.' Peter said,'Never! I will never deny you.' Jesus said,'You will deny me. Even before the cock crows and the sun has risen, you will have denied me thrice.' And it happened. All the disciples fled; only Peter followed. But those people who had made him prisoner became suspicious: somebody was amongst them who looked a stranger. They asked him,'Who are you? Are you a disciple of Jesus?' He said,'No, I don't know this man. Who is he?' And Jesus looked back and said,'The morning has not yet come.' And it happened a second time; and it happened thrice. Jesus laughed, and looked back at the crowd and said,'The cock has not crowed yet.' It is so difficult to follow a Master when he is moving into death. And this the ONLY way to follow a Master, there is no other. Because a Master has to lead you into death; that is the only way to be reborn. There is no other. Until you die, you will not be able to be reborn. Only through death is eternal life attained, only through losing yourself do you gain.
Jesus died. No miracle happened. The crowd, feeling frustrated, disappeared.
AND AS THEY THUS SPAKE, JESUS HIMSELF STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THEM, AND SAITH UNTO THEM. PEACE BE UNTO YOU.
The disciples gathered and they discussed what to do now. They were feeling absolutely betrayed, deceived. This man simply proved not a real son of God. He had promised again and again that he would be resurrected, that he would come down out of death with a new, eternal body of light. And he died like an ordinary man; and he died complaining to God,'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' So.God had betrayed Jesus, Jesus had betrayed his disciples, and they were at a loss as to what to do now. They must have been a laughing-stock.
People must have laughed at them:'These were Jesus' disciples - fools, simpletons! They used to believe that this man would come out of death, and this man has simply died like an ordinary man.' AND AS THEY THUS SPAKE... as the disciples were discussing amongst themselves, JESUS HIMSELF STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THEM, AND SAITH UNTO THEM: PEACE BE UNTO YOU.
They were very troubled, in deep turmoil; their whole lives were lost. They had followed this man, and this man had simply died. Now what to do, where to go? Where to hide oneself; how to accept the failure? They were very troubled. They must have been so troubled that Jesus was standing amongst them and they could not see him.
In fact, you can only see that which you are expecting to see. They were not expecting. In fact, they were thinking,'We knew that this was going to happen; this man has died and there has been no miracle.' The miracle had happened, but to see the miracle, to be able to see it, you need a different quality of being. The miracle was not a part of ordinary reality, it is a separate reality. The miracle had happened: Jesus was standing amongst them, and they could not see. It was as if they were almost blind.
We are - almost blind, almost drunk. We only see that which we want to see, we only see that which we are expecting to see.
Have you watched that your gestalt of vision continually changes? If you are hungry you see different things. You go to the marketplace and you are hungry; you see the restaurants, the hotels, the displayed foods, the fruits. You see things through your hunger. If you are not hungry and you go to the same marketplace, you don't see the restaurants, you don't see the food, the food stalls, the fruit sellers. You simply bypass them. They don't become part of your attention. If you are sexually starved, you go on looking at women or men. If you are not sexually starved, it simply does not matter who is who. Whether somebody who is approaching you is a man or a woman does not matter if you are not sexually starved. Whatsoever you see, it is not only the object that you see; your subjectivity gets involved in it.
Jesus was standing amongst them and he said to them,'Peace be unto you.' Why? He said,'Just become peaceful, be silent. I am here. About whom are you talking? Peace be unto you.' BUT THEY WERE TERRIFIED. When they heard, when they became aware of this man suddenly standing amongst them, THEY WERE TERRIFIED AND AFRIGHTED, AND SUPPOSED THAT THEY HAD SEEN A SPIRIT, a ghost.
For this miracle they had been waiting. But just to wait is not enough; one has to be ready for it.
It happened once: An old man used to come to me. He said one night - it must have been near about eleven o'clock and he was departing - he said,'I would take sannyas, I would surrender myself to you totally if you could do one miracle.' I said,'What is the miracle?' He said,'If you can come tonight in my dream, tomorrow morning I am going to take sannyas.' I said,'Okay, but don't get frightened. Don't be afraid, don't get scared.' He said,'I am not scared'; but the way he said it, I felt that he was very scared. Then he went up to the gate, and he came back, and he said?'It is too dark, and the road is very quiet, and my house is far away, five, six miles, and in this cold night I don't want to go. I would like to stay here.' I said,'What is the matter? Are you afraid to go back home? Don't be afraid. At the most, if the miracle happens, I will come in your dream.' But he said,'Now, I must confess. I am afraid' - even in a dream! What is the fear? - because, if this is possible, a separate reality, a different reality opens its door to you. You have to face the unknown. He had asked for it, but he was afraid. He said,'No need to come. I will come and take sannyas.' If I can enter in your dream, you will be scared. A dream is a very private thing: nobody can enter into anybody's dream. Ordinarily that is not possible. Even two lovers cannot enter into each other's dream. Dreaming is a totally private thing and if somebody can enter into your dream, suddenly your privacy is violated.
One becomes afraid. If somebody can enter into your dream, then somebody can watch your thoughts, and somebody can watch your feelings, and somebody can see your within... and the fear. Just think about it. If somebody could look into you and see your thoughts and your feelings, you would be scared to death.
Because everybody is carrying so many ugly things, and nobody can see that things are okay.
'If you could see into each other,' psychologists say,'if people could see into each other, love would become impossible.' Friendship would never be possible; there would only be enemies in the world. Just think what you have been thinking about your lover: just a little anger, and you would like to kill him. If people could watch each other's minds, you would be completely violated; there would be fear. The man was afraid.
These people were asking for the miracles to happen. It had happened, but they were not ready. Because, to see a miracle one needs the vision to see it, one needs a totally different gestalt. The miracle is happening every moment - the whole existence is miraculous and every moment of life is a miracle. You cannot find greater miracles than are already happening all around you. But you cannot know, you cannot see, you are not ready. You go on living in your drab and dull mind, almost asleep.
I have heard: A welfare worker once said to a confirmed drunkard,'The last time we met I was very happy, because you were sober. Today I am unhappy to see you drunk again.''Well,' said the drunkard,'it is my turn to be happy today, sir.' Your happiness consists only of your unconsciousness. Whenever you are conscious, you become unhappy. And unless you can be consciously happy, your happiness is not worth the bother. I work on so many people: the moment they start becoming conscious they become unhappy. They come to me and they say,'What are you doing? We had come here to become more happy, and the more we become conscious, the more unhappy we feel.' Because the happiness that consisted of their unconsciousness is disappearing, and that was all the happiness they knew. They have not known any happiness which is conscious.
They become unhappy, disillusioned.
If they escape, they miss the opportunity. If they persist, first the happiness of unconsciousness will disappear, and there will be a time, an interval of much agony, much chaos, much anarchy. They will lose all their identity. They will not be able to know who they are, because all that they knew about themselves belonged to their unconsciousness. They will be completely lost, almost mad.
But, if they persist, soon a new sort of happiness, a new sort of blissfulness which has nothing to do with illusions and unconsciousness arises. If you cannot be happy consciously, your happiness is not worthwhile; -it is useless. People go on living in their sleep - sometimes their eyes are closed, sometimes their eyes are open, but the sleep continues. It is rarely broken! Those disciples were standing talking about Jesus, and Jesus was there. They could not see. It seems impossible. No, it is not impossible; it is just natural to human unconsciousness.
One day it happened: Mulla Nasrudin came to see me.'Why have you wrapped a thread around your finger?' I asked the Mulla.
He said,'My wife wrapped it to remind me that I should not forget to post a letter for her.' 'Have you posted the letter?' I asked.
'No,' said the Mulla,'she forgot to give it to me.' This is how we go on living: without any selfremembering, without any awareness, without any consciousness.
Jesus said,'Peace be unto you'...
BUT THEY WERE TERRIFIED AND AFRIGHTED, AND SUPPOSED THAT THEY HAD SEEN A SPIRIT.
AND HE SAID UNTO THEM: WHY ARE YE TROUBLED? AND WHY DO THOUGHTS ARISE IN YOUR HEARTS? 'Can't you see me? Why are these thoughts arising in your minds and in your hearts? Can't you see me? Can't you recognize me? I lived for years with you, and you lived for years with me. Don't you know my face?' AND HE SAID UNTO THEM: WHY ARE YE TROUBLED? AND WHY DO THOUGHTS ARISE IN YOUR HEARTS? BEHOLD MY HANDS AND MY FEET, THAT IT IS I MYSELF.
HANDLE ME AND SEE, FOR THE SPIRIT HATH NOT FLESH AND BONES, AS YE SEE ME HAVE.
Pitiable humanity... even Jesus has to bring proofs that he is. And the proofs that you ask are proofs of matter, of materiality. A Jesus, even a Jesus has to show you:'Behold my hands and my feet.' You cannot see, you cannot face the reality, the infinite reality that is confronting you. Hands and feet you can believe in; matter is needed. The immaterial becomes non-existential.'Handle me and see, for a spirit hath not flesh and bones as ye see me have.' How far we have fallen into unconsciousness! How far we have become insensitive! We can only feel the most gross, we cannot feel the subtle.
And when he had thus spoken, he showed them his hand and his feet....
Pitiable humanity, that a Jesus has to give you evidence for his existence, and the evidence has to be material. He showed his hands and his feet.
AND WHILE THEY YET BELIEVED NOT... because they were so frightened:'Who knows? That ghost may be playing tricks? Who knows? How can a dead man come back?' Jesus was crucified, they had seen him die:'How could he come? It is impossible. It is some trick, some ghost playing a game.' AND WHILE THEY YET BELIEVED NOT FOR JOY, AND WONDERED, HE SAID UNTO THEM: HAVE YE HERE ANY MEAT? These are very symbolic words. Now he is coming to the grossest, because you cannot see the subtle. Even a Jesus has to descend to your plane; only then can you see him. You cannot see his peak, you can see only his feet, and even those are difficult to believe.
HAVE YE HERE ANY MEAT? AND THEY GAVE HIM A PIECE OF A BROILED FISH, AND OF AN HONEYCOMBE.
AND HE TOOK IT, AND DID EAT BEFORE THEM - because a spirit cannot eat. Food is needed for the body. A Spirit has no body; food is irrelevant. And he ate meat, the grossest food. This is just symbolic.
Jesus' whole life is a life of silence, defined by parables.
AND HE TOOK IT AND DID EAT BEFORE THEM.... Only then could they believe.
It is said that when he ate, then they recognized him because of the way, the manner. Nobody else could eat like Jesus. They had watched him eating with them for many years. Just three days before, there was the Last Supper. The manner of this man was totally different; it was not like anybody else. Whenever he ate, he would eat in such a prayerful mood, in such deep gratefulness, in such infinite delight, with such joy - his eating was a celebration.
Only when he ate could they understand - 'Yes, this seems to be our Jesus, because nobody else can bring such quality to such ordinary things as eating.' Whatsoever he touched became holy, wherever he moved became holy ground.
I have heard an anecdote: An impressive dinner was given by a literary society in Milwaukee. At the conclusion Madame Mordjeska asked if she might not express her appreciation by giving a short Polish recitation. Otis Skinner, one of the guests, describes what she did:'Her liquid voice became by turns melancholy and gay; impatient, tragic, light with happiness and blighting with bitterness. There was not a note in the gamut of emotions she did not touch. She finished with a recurrent rhythm, fateful and portentious. We were clutched by the spell. We did not know what it was about, but we knew it was something tremendous.
Someone asked what it was. She answered with a sly smile,'I merely recited the alphabet.' But if you know how to sing, even an alphabet can become a tremendous song. If you know how to sing, if you know how to dance, then any movement of your body becomes tremendously meaningful. Then each gesture becomes graceful.
Then each gesture exhibits something, manifests something of the unknown.
Even an ordinary alphabet can become tremendously significant.
Jesus knew how to eat, he knew how to live, he knew how to love. Even the ordinary act of eating food became totally different - the quality of it. Nobody else has ever eaten that way, walked that way, looked that way. He had to Come down to the most ordinary thing only because he hoped that his disciples might be able to recognize. And they recognized.
THEN OPENED HE THEIR UNDERSTANDING, THAT THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THE SCRIPTURES....
Once they recognized, they were happy. Why did he try? Why did he make any effort? - so that they might understand the scriptures. The scriptures go. on saying that you are deathless; all the scriptures of the world. It has, nothing to do with the scriptures of the Jews alone; all the scriptures of the world go on saying that you are deathless. Nobody except Jesus had given such a proof of it. Nobody had come after death to give witness that those scriptures were right. Not even a Buddha had given that proof; not even a Krishna had given that proof. It is unique to Jesus to come back from the doors of death, to descend back into the world, to become a witness to all scriptures. Jesus is the very embodiment of the foundational law of life: that everything is eternal and immortal, that nothing dies, that nothing can die; that there is only one thing that is a lie, and that is death. Only death is impossible and everything else is possible.
THEN OPENED HE THEIR UNDERSTANDING, THAT THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THE SCRIPTURES... the message of centuries, the one and only message of all religion - that you are deathless... AND SAID UNTO THEM: THUS IT IS WRITTEN,. AND THUS IT BEHOVED CHRIST TO SUFFER, AND TO RISE FROM THE DEAD THE THIRD DAY.
This is very meaningful. Whenever you die, if you die unconsciously - as everybody almost always dies - then within three days you are reincarnated in a new body, you enter a womb. That's why in India the third day after anybody's death is very significant, because the third day is symbolic that person is reborn, has somewhere taken birth. If you die consciously, which only a Buddha. or a Jesus does, then it is up to you. You are not going to be born again in any other womb. Then it is up to you; you are totally free. If you want to descend, you can use the old body; if you don't want to descend back, you can disappear into the whole. In Jesus' case the old body was saved. After his crucification his body was put in a cave and the door of the cave was blocked by a rock. Now it is a mystery what happened, because the body disappeared from there.
Jesus belonged to a certain sect called Essenes. Jesus himself was trained by the Essenes, he was a disciple in their school. They had worked for him, they were his' Masters, they had prepared him. The Essenes were an esoteric group working almost in secret. When Jesus was crucified, they removed his body, they protected his body for three days. They helped, because if the body is not protected then the soul cannot descend back.
In India, we burn the body precisely for this purpose, so that the soul cannot enter into the old body. There is a tendency, even in unconscious souls - a clinging to the old, a fear of the new. And if there is a choice between the old body and a new child's body in a womb, your mind will choose your old body.
And there is a fear that the soul may enter back into the body, and that body is useless now rotten, old. It has to be dropped and changed. That's why in India we burn the body immediately, so that there is no possibility of the body being there for the soul to enter into. In any accident it should not be allowed. Only the bodies of saints, of people who die consciously, are not burned in India. They are preserved in special graves we call SAMADHIS. It is the same word we use for the fourth state of consciousness, of transcendence. We call the grave of a saint 'samadhi'. His body is preserved there as a link. People who cannot be in direct contact with the saint can come to the body, and the body can function as a medium. Through the body they can still be in contact with the soul which has been lost into the whole, and they can be helped.
Jesus' body was preserved for three days by the Essenes, one of the most important groups on the earth, one of the most important esoteric groups. After three days Jesus entered his body again. Three days is a time limit. One needs to be out of the body for three days to be completely purified of all grossness, of all dust that clings to one's consciousness and soul.
THUS IT IS WRITTEN, AND THUS IT BEHOVE CHRIST TO SUFFER, AND TO RISE FROM THE DEAD THE THIRD DAY. And it was a prophecy in the old scriptures that this would happen: the third day Christ would come back, just to show that life is immortal.
AND THAT REPENTENCE AND REMISSION OF SINS SHOULD BE PREACHED IN HIS NAME AMONG ALL NATIONS, BEGINNING AT JERUSALEM.
AND YE ARE WITNESSES OF THESE THINGS.
'And repentance and remission of sins': Jesus gave a proof that death is just a false notion. Nothing dies. Why is this proof needed? Because if the soul is immortal, then your whole life will have to be transformed. Then you will have to arrange your life in a totally different light. If only this life is all - you begin with birth and you end with death - then what is the meaning of virtue or sin? Whatsoever you do is irrelevant; one day everybody dies, sinner and saint. Dust unto dust - nothing remain so what is the difference between virtue and sin? If life is mortal, then there is no difference. Then it is just a social utility, a convenience, but nothing of much importance.
But if the soul remains, if nothing dies, then there is a tremendous difference between virtue and sin. Virtue means: to live as if you are to live forever; sin means: to live without any consciousness of your eternity. Sin means to live in unconsciousness, virtue means to live in awareness.
If you become aware, you become aware of the deathless within you.
If you are unconscious, unaware, you are living only in the body, the mortal.
And a person who lives for the body, in the body, and only for the body, lives in sin. Jesus gave the proof.
AND THAT REPENTANCE AND REMISSION OF THE SINS SHOULD BE PREACHED IN HIS NAME AMONG ALL NATIONS, BEGINNING AT JERUSALEM.
And he said to his disciples,'Now go and spread whatsoever you have seen all over the earth. Go and tell everybody on the earth. Spread the good news that there is no death, that one man has proved that life is eternal, that one man has come back from death, that one man has proved that death can be conquered.
And if you become a witness,' he said to his disciples,'you will be able to persuade people not to live in sin, not to live in unconsciousness. Tell them to repent for whatsoever they have done in the past, to ask forgiveness for it. And tell them, because you have been a witness, that the impossible has become possible: death can be conquered, because death does not exist. Tell them that if they ask, they will be forgiven.' Christianity, the whole of Christianity depends on this simple sentence:'If you repent, you can be forgiven.' Christianity is unique in this sense. No other religion, particularly Indian religions, talk of repentance and forgiveness. They are more scientific, in fact, more technological. They say: You have done something wrong, you have to undo it. You have to do something good, you have to keep everything in balance. Nobody can forgive you; you have to change your life, your karmas, your actions.
Christianity has a tremendously beautiful concept of forgiveness. Christianity says: If you ask to be forgiven from your deepest core, you will be forgiven.
Why? Is there somebody who can forgive you?, No, but if you ask in intense passion to be forgiven, the very idea of repentance becomes forgiveness. If you have really asked, realized that you have done something wrong; if it has been a total realization and you accept the responsibility that it was wrong and that you are ready to repent for it, and you repent wholeheartedly, the very repentance becomes the forgiveness. Then there is no need to do anything else, because all sins are nothing but unconscious acts. Repentance makes you conscious, alert.
Sin is like darkness. You bring a light, a lamp into darkness and darkness disappears.
Sin is because you are asleep.
If you repent, you awake yourself. Because there is no other way to repent unless you awake yourself, unless you come to realize and see what you have been doing, how you have been living, how you have been wasting, how you have been hurting. When you come to realize it, a flame starts burning in you, an awareness; and in that awareness, in that light, darkness disappears. It is not that there is a God personified sitting somewhere on a throne in heaven who goes on forgiving you. There is nobody to forgive you. But if you repent, you will be forgiven.
God is not a person; God is the totality. God is existence, the totality of being. It is not that you have to pray to Him so that He can forgive, no. In your praying you are forgiven. The very prayer, the very recognition that you have been wrong and you recognize it and you repent, is enough. All that you have been up to then is, wiped, washed. You are cleansed of it. The old is gone, the new is born.
This is resurrection.
AND THAT REPENTANCE AND REMISSION OF SINS SHOULD BE PREACHED IN HIS NAME AMONG ALL NATIONS, BEGINNING AT JERUSALEM.
AND YE ARE WITNESSES OF THESE THINGS.
And Jesus told them,'You have witnessed the greatest thing that has ever happened: the resurrection. Now go and spread the good news to those who were not fortunate enough to be here. Go to the housetops and tell everybody.' And those disciples went all over the earth. They carried authority. They had seen something which nobody had seen before them. In their eyes you could see the reflection of Jesus coming back from death. In each of their gestures you could feel the presence of Jesus: they had seen, they had become witnesses to something. They carried authority. They created a great movement; beginning in Jerusalem it spread all over the earth. It is just as you throw a pebble in a silent lake: it falls at a certain point and then ripples arise, and ripples go to the farthest shores.
Jesus is a whole art of inner transformation. I say art, I don't say science. When I talk on Patanjali, I can say that whatsoever Patanjali says is a science. When I talk on Buddha, I can say that whatsoever Buddha says is a psychology. But not with Jesus. He has given an art, because he has given love, not law. If you understand Jesus, by and by, you will become aware that it is not a question of following a certain rule. Rather, it is a question of following a quality of love. Love is the only thing that transcends death, because love is the only thing that life exists for.
Love is the very center of being. If you love, all is forgiven. If you love, you have repented. If you love, one day or other you yourself will become a witness that there is no death.
Accept Jesus' invitation. He is not going to take anything from you. He is going to take only that which you don't have, and he is going to give you life abundant, life eternal.
But don't be bothered about Christianity much. Jesus has been murdered twice.
Once he was murdered in Jerusalem by Jews, but they could not murder him. He survived. After the third day he resurrected. Then he was murdered in Rome, in the Vatican. And they murdered him more efficiently, of course, because they knew that this man had once come out of death. Jews crucified him not knowing that this man could come out of death, so they did not take all the precautions.
Christians killed this man again with all the precautions, and Jesus has not been able to come out again. Don't be bothered about Christianity. Christianity has nothing to do with Christ. Jesus is available to all. Jesus is for those who are ready to transform themselves; Jesus is an art of inner transformation, of rebirth. Listen to his invitation. He still goes on saying,'Come, follow me.'
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